Sorrows and Smiles

Oh this week....a mistake, a heartbreak, a sacrifice, a love renewed. That's a lot to happen in one week but I wouldn't have changed a thing. I have learned so much in the last few weeks that has proven itself in the last few days. I have learned that so many people in this world are afraid of feeling. That's why so many end up alone. That's why so many doubt the existence of our Heavenly Father. That's why so much bad happens in the world. I have learned that we all are guarded and try our best to protect ourselves from pain. What a ridiculous attempt for without pain there is no joy.

I will admit that my life is always full of dramatic dialogues and absurd story lines but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love how spontaneous I am. I am sad though that life has suppressed my free spirit in the last couple of years. I used to love with no reservations. I used to give my all. I have become so cautious. I want to love freely. Though love makes us vulnerable I would much rather spend a day loving and 100 hurting than avoiding those 100 days only to realize that there isn't a day left to love. I have to learn to let go and allow love to fill my heart. We were sent here to love one another and yet sometimes it can be the most difficult part of living. But without love we aren't really living. Love heals us. Love protects us. Love makes us who we are. Love from others, love for others, love for ourselves...it all counts.

I have to block out the negative energy and allow only love to reside in me. I have to destroy my doubts and reservations about loving and open myself up to a world of joy. The world wants us to be unhappy...like attracts like. My goal is to love and I will be loved. My goal is to find joy and I will bring joy. Those who are struggling or have closed themselves off to happier aspirations may say that I am too young or it will never work but to them I say "Watch me!" If I have learned one thing so far in life it's that most people who give you advice do so because they had a bad experience. I don't want my head to dictate situations that involve the heart. I don't want to ever feel like I didn't love enough. What a sad thought. I just want to make sure that I am loving to my fullest every single day and lay my head down at night knowing I did my very best.

Love....it's full of sorrows and smiles but in the end you'll only remember every moment that created those smiles.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0N2v9gRNcrg

Internal Turmoil

It's so difficult to just live in the moment. Lately I have been feeling like I need to rush everything. I have always told myself that it'll get better when.... Well that's just silly. I will never be happy in the moment if I live that way and then one day I will realize that I never really enjoyed my life while I was living it. What a sad tale to have to tell.

I should be so grateful for what I have. I am here with my family and friends who absolutely love me. I have a man whom I love with all of my heart and loves me perfectly. Why am I so unsettled?

I think Heavenly Father has given me this time to find myself. He has given me the opportunity to slow down- which I have never really done-and take a second to enjoy life no matter my circumstances.

For once I am able to just be me and I find it more difficult than having things to do. I hid behind my outward successes. Well that can only last for so long before your true colors start to shine through.

So here is my conclusion: I choose to experience it all...good and bad. I choose to love him every day. I choose to love myself no matter where I am at in life. I choose to find success in patience, love, and honesty. I choose to believe the unknown. I choose to let the past go. I choose to not be afraid.

We cannot try to keep ourselves from hurting but we can allow ourselves to let it go once the pain is no longer necessary. Don't hold on to things just to punish yourself. You deserve happiness. Stop trying to find ways to be unsettled...

New Beginnings...

So much has happened in my life lately....long story short...I am taking a year off from school to really become grounded. I feel like I need to find myself and really learn about the spiritual side of me. I think it's so important to be in a solid relationship with yourself. For if you don't have a solid relationship with yourself how can you expect to have one with anyone else? God included. People think that relying on outside sources can fix everything...I am here to tell you it cannot unless you are ready to fix yourself. No amount of religion, study, love, or companionship will fix you until your entire self is ready to accept it....mind, body, and spirit.

The world has become so busy and it's becoming more difficult to feel centered. We are easily distracted by noise. We need to take a stand...take a step outside of the craziness of life and have a talk with yourself. Check in every once in a while to make sure everything is ok and you're still on track. Just be genuine. So much of what we do and who we are is based on what others think about us. That's absurd!!!!! What a sad life to live. I would much rather live feeling satisfied with myself and have a few enemies than live dissatisfied with myself and have all the world love me. But the catch is that more people will love you for who you truly are if that's all you ever try to be.

I am not talking about doing whatever feels good as some may believe. I am talking about tapping into your spiritual being, who knows everything that you are and can be, to make decisions. Don't just allow your body or mind to rule what you do. Don't just live in the moment. Become a whole person. We are after all spiritual beings having a physical experience...so live as such. But don't follow blindly. Make sure that you know who you are before you make life altering decisions.

Once you do make that bond...follow your heart. Do what you know to be right. And believe it or not this will not be the same for everyone. We are all sent here to fulfill different purposes. God knows who you are...you know who you are. You just have to find that knowledge within yourself and hold on to it forever. ♥