Unfulfilled

All I have ever wanted for years was to have someone to lie next to at night. I have that...

I don't know if my feelings of dissatisfaction come from the current situation I am in- jobless and waiting for the fall to come so I can return to school- or if I am just doomed to be this way forever. I was in school but I was lonely and pined for love. I have love but I am unproductive and long to feel accomplished. When will I ever just settle into myself? I dream of adventures in far-off places and long for the excitement of exploration. For some reason I can't find that excitement in the day-to-day mundane activities of life. I feel incomplete.

Being in a position like this makes me question my purpose. It makes me wonder what I have to live for... It's truly depressing and I hate to give off such negative energy but we all know I wear my heart on my sleeve. I find myself pulling away. I find myself unable to enjoy what is right in front of me. I have never been good at just sitting back and letting things happen. I find that terrifying. I love to be the one to just grab the bull by the horns and hold on for dear life.

I just keep praying for something...peace would be nice but I will take anything right now. I almost feel numb. That's the worst. Numb means you're not living...numb means you're dead inside. I am entirely too young and vivacious to be numb. I pray I will find purpose. I pray we'll all find purpose.